WE FINALLY FOUND OUR
MISSING “PIECE”!
PLEASE WELCOME:
BRYNN
ALAURA MIKESH
(Brynn = Name We
Picked... Alaura = Birth Parents’ Picked)
BORN: JUNE 16 @
4:11PM
7 POUNDS 3
OUNCES, 18 ½ INCHES LONG
**BECAME
PART OF OUR FOREVER FAMILY on JUNE 17, 2015**
You guys, we are dying!!!
As we have brought you all
along on this journey with us, it is only fair to allow you to read the ending
of this chapter in our life.
We received an email from our
agency (Journeys of the Heart) on June 5th. The email stated that there
was a birth mom and dad due via C-Section on June 16th. . The email
basically said the couple was having a baby girl and the
kicker…the baby has had zero exposure to substance (drugs, alcohol, smoking)
and birth mom has had prenatal care throughout her pregnancy (not common).
Healthy baby girl!!!! But we had our heart set on a boy…we thought about it for
about two and a half seconds and quickly said, “who cares about that, we’re
going after this healthy baby girl!”
We told the agency that we
wanted to present our profile to the couple on Saturday (June 6th).
By Tuesday afternoon (June 9th), we still hadn’t heard anything. At
this point we figured we hadn’t been chosen. As the last day of school was
winding down and we entered into the last hour of school that day, I received a
text from our adoption coordinator (Chelsea) that read, “I hope you’re free for lunch in Washington on Friday with the birth
parents, they picked you!” Time literally stood still for what seemed
like an hour (I’m pretty sure it was about 10 seconds). That text, those words,
took my breath away, as these are the words and this is the situation we have
been waiting and praying for for years. Thank the Lord my desk chair was behind
me because I fell into it. The next hour (the last hour of school) was a
complete blur. Thank you to a few special coworkers/friends that witnessed this
all happen and kept this secret. Ryan and I didn’t want anyone to know because
the “match” with the birth parents was contingent upon them meeting us and
still wanting to move forward. Friday was June 12th and the baby was
being born on the 16th. We didn’t want to buy anything because if
they didn’t like us, it would all have to go back. We arrived for lunch on
Friday and anxiously awaited the arrival of T & D (we’ll use their
initials). Long story short, they are incredible people. So genuine, kind, and
both have a wonderful head on their shoulders. We shared a lot and talked a lot
about their desires for their baby and just got to know each other. It was an
instant match and we all left feeling very at peace.
The plan was to arrive at Ft.
Lewis Army Base in Washington (where the baby would be born) on Tuesday
morning. This left Saturday, Sunday, and Monday to buy the absolute necessities
ONLY for our potential baby. This includes: car seat, a couple outfits,
diapers, wipes, formula, rash cream, body wash/shampoo, bottles, a bouncer
seat, burp cloths, swaddle blankets, and a couple other things like that. We
still didn’t share with anyone except our immediate family because we knew they
can choose to parent the baby at any time and sharing that it didn’t work out
in the moment with everyone would be really painful. We needed to keep our feet
on the floor in the event we would be walking out of the hospital without a
baby.
We loaded up the car Tuesday
morning and began the drive to Washington to meet the little girl who “might”
become our daughter. I’m not sure Ryan and I said much to each other on that
drive. We were both so nervous we just physically couldn’t talk. Phones were
blowing up from family and I just couldn’t talk to anyone. I was in the zone!
We arrived on base and checked into the visitor’s center where we had to go
through background checks in order to obtain a visitors pass. Think of the DMV
and the waiting that takes place there, and you have the visitors center at Ft.
Lewis. Chelsea, from our adoption agency, met us there and helped navigate the
remainder of our day at that point. Meanwhile, birth mom’s surgery kept getting
pushed back…and pushed back…and pushed back. Our nerves were through the roof.
I felt like I was going to puke, for real. We waited in the Birth Center
waiting room for a LONG time. We all made small talk, but really I couldn’t
think about anything else besides the reason we were there. Ryan would rub my
back and remind me to breathe. Thank God I married this man. Finally, a nurse
came out and asked if we were ready to meet our girl.
I think I was walking about 100
miles per hour down the hallway whispering (yelling) to Ryan to hurry up!!!!
Who leisurely walks the halls in this moment? Ryan (he says it was nerves)!!! . Anyway, we
walked in the room and the birth mom (T) was holding her daughter and birth
father (D) was standing beside them. We approached the bedside and I just
froze. Ryan held me close and we held her baby’s hand and shared a moment with
this couple. I didn’t know if I should take the baby from her or what I should
be doing, but I just couldn’t take my eyes off the most beautiful little girl I
have ever seen. T leaned over and physically placed her baby in my arms. I just
could not bring myself to physically take her away from her and I am eternally
grateful to T for continuing to show me how strong she is in heartbreaking
situations. I just melted in that moment. We each took turns holding the baby and we all
snapped about a million photos of each other, together, and individually. It
was a moment that is forever imprinted in my memory. We are so thankful for
that uninterrupted time with T & D.
The remainder of the night
consisted of talking, switching rooms, eating food (Ryan was on meal duty and
he did not disappoint any of us), while all along feeling the intense fear that
they might choose to parent her.
We even discussed names
together. We liked the name Brynn Lee. Brynn is just a name we have loved for a
long time and Lee is my mom’s middle name. We were pretty set on this name. We
asked them if they had a name in mind. They both became very shy. One of them
worked up the courage to say, Alaura. Okay, then her name is Brynn
Alaura…period. While we want to honor my mom, we also feel a significant need
to honor the two people making this possible. Plus, how cool is it for Brynn to
know that her birth parents took part in naming her? The birth parents love her
name and they call her “Brynnie-Bear.” I’m pretty sure that adorable name is
going to stick.
That night, T asked if I would
be her support person in her hospital room (stay the night with her and Brynn).
She really wanted her, Brynn, and I to have time together, just us. Now I’m
going to admit, this request was scary for me. What if she doesn’t like how I
handle Brynn at night, what if it doesn’t go well, seriously just scared. On
the other hand, I was incredibly honored. I will say, the past few nights us 3
girls have spent together are irreplaceable. We talked about the adoption,
about our lives and families, shared funny pictures, and best of all we got to
work together as a team to take care of Brynn. Her 2 mommies had the
opportunity to care for her together on her first two nights in this crazy world.
Such a special time. As time went on, I noticed T begin to hand more
responsibility and trust over to me when it came to Brynn. She got to see me
love her and care for her and she would openly tell me how lucky she feels that
she found us for Brynn. I don’t think she will ever know how much those words
mean to me. She tells Brynn that her
mommy loves her so much (referring to me). I have never had anyone call me mom
and it was seriously a dream come true. Again, in the back of my mind, I
continued to wonder if we would leave the hospital as a family of 4, or a
family of 3…even with all of those reassuring words. I think we reassured each
other’s fears over and over again that night.
Today, June 17, we woke up and
T said she was ready to sign papers for her and D to relinquish their parental
rights to Brynn. It took until about lunchtime for notaries, social workers,
and agency reps to arrive. Ryan and I spent most of the morning out of the hospital
room in order to give T & D time with Brynn alone. When signing time came,
Ryan and I went and sat on a bench outside. I was a disaster. In that very
moment, the only thing I was thinking about was how while my dreams are coming
true, a woman who I respect and love is about to grieve the loss of her child.
I couldn’t do anything but cry. My happiest moment was filled with so much
heartache as well and I couldn’t get my emotions under control. I must have
said a million prayers for her on that bench to find peace through her grief
and to know in her heart that Ryan and I will love her baby and care for her
with all of our heart and everything we have. About a half hour later we got a
call that it was our turn. The rest as they say is history. Today is the day
that marks when Ryan became Brynn’s dad and I became her mom. Jacob is already
the best big brother ever. He just loves her.
As I type this blog, I am
looking at T sleeping. I hope she knows how much I respect her and D. They gave
Ryan and I a gift that nobody else in this world could ever give us (including
ourselves). In this moment we each have something the other wants. They desire
the stability required to raise a child, while we can offer stability but can’t
have a child of our own. Together we make the perfect team for Brynn. She will
always know this family. She (and they) will never feel loss because they will
always be in each other’s lives.
As we all leave the hospital
tomorrow, it will be tough. I can’t imagine what T & D are feeling and my
heart is breaking for them. What I can do is be the best mom I can possibly be
to their Brynnie-Bear. They are entrusting their most precious gift to us and
we promise to take good care of her.
We are still waiting for ICPC
to clear and we can’t cross state lines until that happens. Cross your fingers
we aren’t here longer than a week. We would love to go home Friday. If you
pray, please pray for comfort and peace for T & D in the days and months to
come. Also, pray we can come home soon.
All great stories always have
to have a moral. Here’s what I have learned. I learned that my original adoption
plan sucked. God had his hand in every second of this adoption. I learned
patience. I learned to trust. I learned to let go of what is out of my control,
and I learned to be in tune with the small signs from God I was given along the
way. It wasn’t until I did those things that my plan was completely transformed…and
a little girl, who was never part of “my” plan, is the one who is about to
change my life. In fact, she already has. From the second I held her after she
officially became my daughter, every ounce of hurt, pain, frustration, and
hopelessness along this challenging journey to parenthood completely vanished.
It all literally vanished when I held her.
Thank Heaven For
Little Girls
